Year 29 snuck in a little quieter than birthdays of year’s past.

I’m a celebrator. I feel like there are two types of people, those who are down for a holiday or party, but not ones to make a big todo about any of it, and those who are celebrators.

The people who, like me, love ANY reason to throw together an elaborate tablescape or themed outfit, those of us who plan and plot out our Christmas decor, spend a chunk of time searching Pinterest for the perfect King’s Cake recipe to bake for Fat Tuesday …and things like National Margarita Day?!?! I don’t even typically get excited about margarita’s, but you can bet if it’s a day worth putting in the calendar pass the chips and queso and make mine frozen… with strawberry.

As you might imagine, celebrators take birthdays—especially their own—very seriously. The past few I’ve been fortunate enough to be attending Agvocacy forum as an Influencer (I realize how that sounds, but I can’t help if that’s the title slapped on my name tag). Year 25 I was in Phoenix, soaking up the sun, I turned 26 at Pat O’Briens on Bourbon Street, Year 27 was San Antonio and I learned I don’t bounce back the next day as easily, 28 was spent in Kentucky, but I gifted myself a day of self care, a facial from the Beauty Room in Evansville and my inlaws sent me to get my nails done. It was fun.

Like I said, celebrator. No matter what.

This year though, is just quieter, more somber. Not because of the number, I live by the mantra that each year is a gift. It is a privilege to grow older.

In this season, year 29 sets the two year mark of “unexplained infertility” for Daniel and I. Year 29 comes in right after the one month mark of my tiny best friend — #OliverTheScottishTerror—crossing the rainbow bridge and my mind still navigating the waters of grief. Year 28 was a rollercoaster of emotions, life events, navigating the “we thought by nows,” life altering achievements and many, many tears.

I recently heard the phrase “phoenix rising” in terms of dealing with hard seasons. Right now definitely feels like the ashes. Like things are about to rebuild and be more beautiful than ever, but in the ashes it’s hard to see what that looks like. I just have to trust.

Y’all trusting is hard.

But I will say in this season of ash, leading up to year 29, Daniel and I’s relationship grown so much and is the strongest it’s ever been, I’ve learned to actually give myself grace and not just say I am, and to be more intentional with the people I love. I’ve learned to let people in, to know and love me, to celebrate and grieve, to pray for us. I’ve definitely learned that life doesn’t flow by my check list and to “live and let live” as my friend Watson frequently says.

Year 29 feels very quiet, but in this beautiful, soulful, hard, but calming way that I am thankful to be able to find appreciation in while in the midst of experiencing.

Hi, 29. Nice to meet you, let’s make this an adventure.

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P.S. I said I’m a celebrator… that doesn’t go away even on quieter years. I have been absolutely saturated with love today. Daniel woke me up with the Greatest Showman playing on our record player — Million Dreams, feels like the perfect song to start the journey to 30, but here is my chosen playlist of this birthday. Enjoy!